thoughts that have been running through my mind

ok so i have been thinking.... which i know you all are probably thinking not the best thing for me to do lol..... but all i have been able to think about lately is how bad i want a baby that is like the only thing missing in my life..... ever since my miscarriage i have been going nuts.... i feel so empty and there is a huge piece of me missing.... not to mention sonny is already pushing 30 he is going to be turning 27 in 2 months.... i know i am still young and all but i still know i am ready for a baby...... i know i will be a good mom..... i see all these people around me having babies and it just makes me cry that my chance got taken away from me i didnt get the chance to love my baby and kiss or hold my lil one it got taken from me..... i know it has been over a year since it happened so why do i still cry why do i still hurt so bad..... you think over time that the pain would start to go away but it hasnt.... why wont it go away why wont the pain just stop..... but here is the problem sonny is not ready for a child.... i mean i dont know how long i can wait..... i know until i do have a baby i will always have that huge piece of me that died when i lost my child.... i know having another one will not completely heal it but it would mend most of but there will always be a piece of me with my baby off in heaven..... sometimes i wonder if i would be happier in heaven with my baby.... would i feel more complete? would i always smile? what would my life be like if i never lost him or her? will i ever be happy again is my biggest concern? what do i do? i need help :(